What do I do if I do not like my Private Lesson Teacher
What happens if you do not like you who you are studying with? What should you do or say to your not-so-favorite music teacher? As a teacher myself, I can usually tell when a student does not like me. Genuinely, I get my feelings hurt for half a second and remember I cannot be a good fit for everyone. I would rather them be honest with themselves and find someone who brings out the best in them. Ultimately, my goal for a student is to have fun and enjoy music and find internal desire to practice on their own.
It is completely normal not to like every teacher you learn with.
It is okay to admit that you dislike your music teacher because it is completely normal. You are not going to click with everyone and that is okay! Perhaps it is not the right fit or maybe they have been unkind to you. Regardless of the reason, sometimes it is just not working out. As a student, I have studied with over 20+ different private lesson teachers. No, it is not because I did not like most of them. I was just searching for a very particular person who could help me overcome performance anxiety. I also ended up studying at different colleges and on my off seasons took lessons with random instructors. There has only been a couple of occasions where I have not liked a teacher as a person for different reasons. At the end of the day, we are all human, we are not going to like everyone, and we all have our preferred way of teaching.
Rest assured, there are ways to navigate these situations with grace and poise.
Weighing the Pros and Cons and questions you may want to ask yourself before deciding on what to do next:
Have you given this person enough time?
Well, first things first. You cannot necessarily judge somebody within the first lesson. Sometimes, first meeting is uncomfortable and awkward. Even as an instructor, you can be really nervous and might put on a “professional-only” face.
If it is just a matter of you are not necessarily clicking with this teacher personality wise or you do not have anything in common, give this teacher a chance. You might find that they are a phenomenal educator, and you may end up getting a lot of information from them. I have had teachers who I am okay with because they provided so much knowledge, it turned out that is exactly what I was looking for in the moment.
I find that a month is a really good timeframe to figure out if you and this teacher will get along. This is especially important for people who are looking for colleges. It is more than likely that once you commit to one of these universities, it is very much possible that you are kind of “stuck” with that same person for years to come. That being said, four weeks or rather four lessons is enough to tell you if you will actually enjoy these lessons. There are a few criteria that you can use to help you decide is that professional relationship is working.
The options: Making the Decision
Okay, so now you are faced with the decision-making part. You have a few options here. Neither one is better than the other. Your first option is to just stick it out. Get the information and tools you need to be able to converse and communicate with this this person, then, this instructor might be a good option for you.
Personally, for me, I cannot go through this method if I really do not feel aligned with that teacher. However, I know that for some people, it may be impacting your mental health to a point where you cannot navigate the situation any further. My recommendation is that then, this is probably not the option for you. Especially if you are learning a lot from them.
Have a conversation
Your second option is to have a conversation with the educator. I usually like to do this because I find that teachers can accommodate their teaching style or find out what type of instructor they are. Some teachers will not take lightly to your feedback because quite frankly, they are reluctant or stubborn to change. Plain and simple, that gives me the green light to drop them as a music teacher.
Teachers are not mind readers and providing context of what you are thinking and feeling, will make it easier for the teacher to accommodate or change the direction of how they teach.
Breaking it off with reason
Your third option is to quit with giving them a reason. I only recommend this is if you can provide constructive feedback and if it is warranted. Personally, as a private lesson teacher I do value when students do this, especially when it is constructive. It gives me just ways to be better the next time for the next student.
Be cautious about this, especially depending on the type of relationship you had this with this teacher. Quitting is an absolute option and usually cannot be undone. Although, it is a completely valid one that you can implement if you are not getting along with your teacher.
Breaking it off (no reason(s) iterated)
Your fourth option is to quit altogether and provide no feedback whatsoever. There have been a few situations where I never communicated to the teacher why I left or any of that stuff. It is just because it was not worth my time, respectfully. It was because of racism that I experienced with that particular teacher. I did not feel like she deserved an explanation because I already made myself clear on my goals and expectations. I am not going to put myself in further in harm's way. I especially advocate for this particular way of quitting if your life, your health or your body is in harm's way. For example, if you have an inappropriate teacher, it is okay to go without reason. It is okay to leave. You do not need to owe anybody an explanation and you do not need to follow social pariahs that musicians follow. This is a completely valid way of ending it with a teacher. You do not need to do anything further.
A fifth option: Making due because you are stuck in the situation
hese to see if there is a way to find a different teacher that can better accommodate you while you're still studying with this teacher. If you really don't have to lose any lessons. I mean, ultimately, like if you think you can muster up a way to mend a relationship.
That is also a possibility and it might be worth having a conversation with someone who is not a part of the that either party be because if you can manage a relationship or at least make it tolerable enough to be able to go to lessons every week, get the information you need and go it might be worth staying especially if this teacher is somebody that has connections. And I especially feel for the folks that definitely want to be in the orchestral world. me as a person who wants to be an entrepreneur and wants nothing else but to be an entrepreneur that creates music I'm pretty indifferent to like whether I get along with people within the music industry. But I have found more often than not that when something happens. Word gets around and honestly I find it a little comical but you know it's interesting, how small the music world is. So, there are quite a few considerations that you will have to make.
I've had teachers like that where I'm not personally like oh boy, like you know I can I feel like I can have long conversations nonstop with this teacher but the value that I'm getting for that from them is is learning music and learning it in a way that I deserve to learn it like I would not I wouldn't remove myself from a situation like that, for example where it's like, it's not that I don't like them. It's just that I'm not connecting with them, but I'm learning from them. And that's just a matter of life. Sometimes that we we are just cordial to people that we're not necessarily like you that we are indifferent to. And that is a situation where I would say like, it might be worth investigating further. why you'd feel the need to get more out of those personal lessons.
Lessons learned from the Experience
Research and Trial
If you are here, it probably means you are already dealing with a teacher that you are not meshing with but take this as lessons: Do your research next time. Look up their background, any bios, or reviews. Ask them some preliminary questions or maybe take a trial lesson (or a few). While I am more of a trial-and-error kind of gal, I think it is also important to list out what your needs are for a teacher. I learned the hard way but now, I can immediately spot when I am going to work well with a teacher and how they are going to benefit me.
Building Criteria
Okay well, criteria for a good teacher can vary from person to person. I think it is important prior to attending any lessons—whether you have never had a private lesson or you are a veteran in the private instruction world— to see what values you need in a teacher in order to be successful.
For me, I like having teachers that are socially conscious and are aware of my body politics. I have found that it makes it easier to communicate and have conversations when they arise because they are bound to also to feel safe within my lessons. By safe, I mean I am racially safe. It is important for me for a teacher to come from a perspective of social-emotional learning and a social justice perspective.
Final Thoughts
This is kind of a touchy topic in the music world, especially for those students who are bound to one teacher. We all know that there is a lot of respectability politics that go on within the music industry. If you dare defy any of these people who have social power within the music industry, it can end up looking bad. I completely understand not wanting to say anything. Personally, I do not have the energy to be silent and I think accountability and change is more important than these social norms within the classical music era. However, it is advisable to keep it cordial because you never know who knows who.
The world is changing and what people value are different. I get that it is a really touchy and awkward subject for people to talk about, because of the politics involved in music. I have encountered plenty of personalities that were mean as ever. One especially egregious teacher made racist commentary towards me and indigenous people and got offended when I brought it up. But other than that, I have found that most of the time it is just that we are not good fit.
